Gutsy

It was a gutsy move, deciding to put my faith first. I remember it well, the way the sun shone in through the bedroom window that I shared with my pre-med roommate, Ginger. I packed in a flurry while she was at class. I knew it would hurt her, to come back to the house and find my side of the room as bare as stone, but I would explain it all to her later. Right then I had to get out of there before I changed my mind. Ginger was a kind friend, but no one in the house shared my beliefs, and I was beginning to forget them myself. Our weekends were loud, our conversations were shallow, and my heart was growing faint from my long run of compromise.

It was time to go home. In fact, home is exactly where I went, as fast as I could get there. For the next months I went to class, which was only just down the street from my parents' house, thankfully, and after class I returned to my childhood bedroom. There I studied literature, prayed to G0D, rested, listened to my mom's well-fed birds, and caught up with my parents. It was a time of being put back together. Shortly after that I met Daniel, and the rest is history.

But it was not without consequence. I lost almost all of my friends in that gutsy exodus from my college house. I lost much of my identity, though I would develop a new one. I lost my status, my esteem, and my place among men - but in doing so, I gained all three in the eyes of G0D.

Recently I've been sick. Quite sick. Pick a symptom, I've probably had it in the past few months. Tests and tests have been done, severe anemia being the only diagnosable condition found. Why the anemia? Why the symptoms? Why was my body seeming to shut down? No one could tell me.

One day earlier this month I looked at my face in the mirror and I saw that I was grimacing. A permanent grimace. I prayed tearfully for GOD to help me find relief.

Then last week, I met up with an old acquaintance Heather, who is now a good friend. Her eyes were bright and her smile was genuine. Unlike me, she was not burdened with pain and discomfort. She told me she wasn't always this way. In fact she used to be just like me, until she started eating gluten-dairy free.

The short of if is, I did the gutsy thing. I abandoned gluten and dairy last week. I already take a special enzyme to help me digest fructose, but apparently it wasn't working on the gluten and dairy. Friends, I have had something like a physical rebirth in the days since reuniting with Heather. That's all I'll say. I feel fantastic.

I've lost a lot in deciding to leave these foods behind. Sunday brunch buffets, Subway sandwiches, Snicker bars. But the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice. And just like that sunny afternoon when I left behind my party days, I feel like a weirdo, but a weirdo who is at peace.

The two requests my husband made if I was going to do this was 1.) I still make "real" food for him and the kids  2.) I don't become one of those people who talks about my eating habits to everyone I meet.

I agreed wholeheartedly. My children should have biscuits and gravy and homemade ice cream. And I don't ever want to talk about my eating habits. How boring! Who wants to know about my digestion and organ function? I think eating habits, like faith, should not be pushed on others. Instead, let others notice our shining eyes and genuine smiles, and ask how we came to be that way;)

That is why I am posting this only once, and then never again. I just wanted to say that I feel better (hooray!) and that G0D hears our tearful pleadings into the mirror.

This is me (or rather, a photo of a very large poster of me which hangs at SOS in Memphis) in my very early days as a recommitted believer.